


What Would You Do

by Wolves_of_Innistrad



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Bi!Buck, Coming Out, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Lapdance, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Mistaken Identity, Past Sexual Abuse, Pining, Pre-Slash, Reunions, Stripper!Eddie, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Therapy, Time Skips, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 07:31:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21157928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolves_of_Innistrad/pseuds/Wolves_of_Innistrad
Summary: Buck just wants to let loose on his night out, so when he finds a strip club catering to men that are interested in other men he heads in.  He doesn't expect to be entranced by one of the dancers, asaid Dance is his former childhood friend Eddie Diaz, or what will come of their chance encounter that night.





	1. Firehose

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a post from Tumblr User: imfakingmyself.
> 
> Title and additional inspo from "What Would You Do" by City High, which is a total bop.

It’s a warm night out and Buck feels like doing something fun and exciting on his night off. He walks around the city, stumbling into the seedier part before he sees a sign that catches his eye.

**Manhole**

It looks seedy and dirty, but it’s apparently a strip club for men, featuring male dancers. As a newly out bisexual Buck grins, eyes lighting up at the thought.

Buck waltzes in like he owns the place, he’s no stranger to strip clubs, even if this is his first time in one for guys who like guys. He wanders around, taking in the sights and sounds, very similar to what he’s used to but with muscled hotties instead of big breasted ones. After a while his eyes turn to the main show and hes mesmerized instantly by one man in particular. 

“If I didn’t know already that I was Bi that would have sealed the deal” he says when he sees a man with the most amazing ass he’s ever seen. It’s not the biggest or anything particularly crazy it’s just, perfect to him. Meaty but still sculpted and muscular and looking amazing where it’s shown off by the neon yellow jockstrap the stripper is wearing.

When the man turns around he’s greeted by a rather sizable bulge that makes Buck’s eyes go wide. When he travels up the man’s body, toned abs and tight pecs on display he finds an exceedingly handsome face. He’s instantly smitten with the guy, even though he keeps feeling like he looks familiar but he can’t see him well enough under the lights to tell for sure.

After watching for a while, and a bit of liquid courage, Buck gets up the nerve to order a private lap dance. The guy gets waved over and he starts grinding on Buck immediately, much more than any female stripper he’s ever had. Buck wonders if all the dancers are this aggressive at an all male club but the thought is quickly overridden by the sight of that ass in his face. It’s all going well, the guy’s ass is gorgeous and his dancing amazing. Bucks never been harder, or more thankful he finally accepted he’s bi, until the man turns around and he gets a good look at his face.

“Eddie?”

Eddie makes a shocked noise, jumping back like he’s been burned and actually looking at the client. Normally he just turns his brain off during this but now he can see this is a guy he knows, or used to anyway.

“Buck?”

“Yeah. Eddie, you’re a stripper now?”

“You’re gay?”

That makes Buck laugh. “Bi, but yeah. Sorry, I, I had no idea it was you.”

He doesn’t say he definitely does not regret seeing that ass grinding on him, or how part of him accepting he was bi was thinking back to all the guy’s he had weirdly intense friendships with, Eddie among them. He might have had a crush on Eddie now that he thinks about it and just wasn’t at a place in his life he could realize that’s what it was.

“Shit. Don’t, don’t tell anyone you saw me here!” Eddie sounds panicked, scared, ashamed, before he runs out of the room.

Buck follows but gets stopped by a burly security guard at the performer’s entrance.

When he can’t get a hold of Eddie he ends up bribing the bartender to let him know when Eddie is supposed to leave.

He waits outside, which feels stalkerish, but he needs to talk to Eddie.

About 30 minutes later the back door flies open and he hears someone storming out. The man nearly barges into him in the alleyway, Buck just barely catching Eddie before he falls over. Eddie’s just wearing sweats and a loose hoodie that isn’t even zipped up.

“WHAT the fuck are you doing here Buck!”

“I, I just-”

“Look, I don’t know what you want or what you think but I’d rather you tell everyone what I’m doing than screw you to keep the secret i-”

Eddie’s almost crying, frantic and Buck wants to just take him by the shoulders and hug him, tell him it’s okay that he’d never do any of that but he realizes Eddie’s a lot more damaged than he thought.

“Hey, hey Eddie it’s me, Buck. I, I would never do that or ask that of you. That’s fucked up. I just, I was worried about you. You were so freaked out back there and even more now I just wanted to make sure you were ok.”

It takes a moment for Eddie to calm down, but finally he does, and what he does next shocks both of them as he falls into Buck’s arms.

Eddie sniffles a bit, hugging Buck before pulling back and wiping his eyes. He’s trying to make himself look tougher than he feels, but it isn’t really working.

“I’m sorry it’s just i… i… I’m scared if people find out where I’m working they’ll try to get my son taken away.”

“You got a kid?” Bucks eyebrows go up at that.

Eddie nods, solemn now.

“Only reason I’m doing this. He’s sick. I have to have money to take care of him and I tried everything but this… This is the only steady job I could get that paid enough.”

“I’m not judging,” buck assures him. “I mean I was in there paying for a lap dance so I wouldn’t have any space to talk anyway, but I don’t think it’s bad. Besides who wouldn’t do whatever they could to help their kid? That just means you’re a good parent.”

Buck’s kind of hating that every word Eddie says just makes him even more stupidly attracted to him.

“Thanks…” Eddie seems to soften a bit now. “Wanna get a drink? Catch up? My Abuela is watching Christopher, my son, for another couple hours. I kind of left early after” he waves between them, “all this.”

Buck frowns. “I hope you don’t get in trouble on my account.”

Eddie doesn’t mention what he might have to do if the owner is actually mad at him, just shrugs and pretends it’s okay. Pretends it doesn’t make him shiver and feel queasy. “So, drink?”

“Yeah, I’d like that. It’s good to see you Eddie, really good.”

* * *

They go out for drinks at a dive bar nearby, spending close to an hour just reminiscing about old times and shooting the shit. It isn’t until Eddie checks his phone and notices the time that either of them even know it’s been that long. The company so easy, the conversation so smooth and rapid-fire.

“I can’t believe we spent all that time just talking about the old days, I didn’t even ask anything about how you’ve been now, what you’re up to.”

Buck had intentionally avoided bringing that up so as not to lead back to Eddie’s predicament but he acquiesces now.

“Well, uh, I’m a firefighter actually.”

“A firefighter? Wow that’s, that’s crazy!”

Buck makes a face. “Why, you don’t think I could be a firefighter?”

Eddie pauses, shaking his head. “No, I just thought it’s funny. That’s the routine I do. My solo act is in a firefighter costume, small world huh?”

Buck’s eyebrows go up into his forehead and he grins so wide you could count his teeth. “I HAVE to see that.”

Eddie makes a face.

“Please! Just one time, I wanna see what the costume looks like, I can probably even give you some tips for fireman things.”

“Do I come to your job and tell you how to do it?”

Buck looks taken aback before he sobers. “I’m sorry, that was rude. I wasn’t trying to like, tell you how to do your job I just really-”

Eddie starts laughing and cuts Buck off.

“What?”

“I’m fucking with you Buck. I won’t mind that. And I can’t see how watching me do my routine will be any weirder than me having already given you a lap dance.”

Buck flushes, remembering how he was hard as a rock while Eddie was dancing on him. “Again, sorry about that. I’d have never if I knew it was you.”

“It’s alright, it’s… It’s nice to see a friendly face again. Things have been tough so… This was the best part of my week.”

That makes Buck smile even wider than before. “Good.”

“You free tomorrow? You can come by then.”

Buck’s face falls. “I’m not free again until, uh, Saturday probably?

“Saturday works, I’ll be on then.”

“Ok, then it’s a date.” Buck winces and laughs, “I mean, I’ll see you then.”

“Good. I better get home to Christopher.”

“Yeah, it was good catching up Eddie.”

They exchange numbers and Buck is excited. He knows it wasn’t technically a date, but he and Eddie were friends, and Eddie works in a strip club for guys so he figures he must be into dudes.

Right?


	2. Broken Nose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for brief mention of Non-penetrative sexual harassment/assault.

The text chain between them starts the next day and lasts all the way until Saturday, filled with both men griping about their jobs and their coworkers, adorable photos of Eddie with his son and one of Buck with his cat.

[Buck: You know it clawed me four times trying to take this photo.]

[Eddie: I’ll cherish it then. But really, that’s on you for naming your cat Missile Launcher. She was just getting even.]

[Buck: Missy LOVES her name and I won’t hear this blatant slander.]

Buck arrives a bit earlier than necessary, hoping to catch Eddie before he goes on, but Eddie must come in from the back because he never sees him. He does get a text saying that he should sit near the front if he wants a good view and Buck immediately beelines for the best chair he can find.

The night is fun, Buck doesn’t get drunk but just a happy buzz, and when it’s finally Eddie’s turn he whoops and wolf whistles at his friend. 

Eddie looks jaw-dropping in his fireman uniform, and he’s shocked that, aside from it having a more shiny material, it’s not that dissimilar from the gear he wears. Although there’s a lot less of it.

“Take it off!”

Eddie just gives him an exasperated look and Buck calms down. 

A little.

Of course once Eddie starts stripping Buck is enraptured, eyes glued to the man’s swiveling hips, the curve of his body as he dances. He’s lithe and muscular and flowing over the stage like water.

Buck’s a bit embarrassed how absolutely massive his erection is by the time Eddie’s suggestively shooting people with his fire hose, aka, his huge bulge in a bright red jockstrap.

He stays and watches the rest of the show and meets up with Eddie afterwards.

They’re about to leave, Buck’s arm around Eddie, when someone shouts “how come that guy gets to touch you.”

“Because I’m his friend.” Buck answers without hesitation.

Eddie just smiles and they head out to get something to eat.

After that it becomes a regular thing to meet up for drinks or a bite to eat after Eddie gets off work, Buck’s a night owl so it works for him. They see each other in the day too on the rare instances their time off overlaps.

The first time Buck and Christopher meet Eddie actually feels his heart swell watching his friend interact with his son. He’s never seen someone take to Christopher so quickly, or his son like someone so fast and so easily.

Eddie and Buck’s lives become so intertwined that Buck has to constantly remind his station mates that Eddie ISN’T his boyfriend.

But God he wishes he were.

The sad part is, from what Buck can tell, Eddie likely isn’t even into men, he’s just doing this for the money and a good actor. It hurts, but Buck tries his best not to let it show even if it’s incredibly obvious how over the moon he is for Eddie. How much he cares not only for Eddie, but for Christopher, for both of them and wants them both in his life.

Everything is going well, even if sometimes there’s a sadness in Eddie’s eyes, an evasiveness with some questions that Buck doesn’t quite understand.

Then Eddie abruptly stops taking Buck’s calls, doesn’t answer his messages either. He knows where Eddie lives, he’s taken him home once or twice when he was going to be late, but he tries not to put too much stock into it.

Finally after 2 days of radio silence Buck goes over there, worried what’s going on. He knocks and knocks but there’s no answer. He calls again and he can faintly hear it ringing from somewhere in the tiny apartment Eddie has, not that he’s seen it but Eddie has implied it is.

“I know you’re in there! I’m worried sick about you guys. Eddie, Christopher!”

He hears a sound, a little voice yelling that he assumes must be Christopher and finally, after a few moments, the door opens a crack.

“Hey Buck.” It’s Eddie, he sounds forlorn, voice hoarse like maybe he’s been crying, he keeps the door only open a fraction, Buck can barely see his face.

“Are you sick? What’s going on I haven’t heard from you in days.”

“Buck!” He can hear Christopher yelling for him and his heart aches, he wants to see him, but he isn’t sure if Eddie’s mad at him or what’s going on.

Finally Eddie seems to relent, hearing his son call out for his friend and opens the door.

Buck comes in, running over and greeting Christopher, saying hi and letting the boy recount what all has happened to him since the last time they spoke. IT warms his heart, and then he looks up at Eddie across the way and palls.

“Hey buddy, can I talk to your dad for a bit alone? Why don’t you go read that book you’ve been telling me about so I can know what happens next?”

Christopher nods, going off to his room, which Buck quickly realizes as he looks around must be the only room in the apartment since the only other door is to what appears to be a bathroom.

He turns back to Eddie and decides to start with a simpler question.

“You sleep on the couch?”

Eddie nods, seemingly grateful for easing them into this conversation.

“You gave Christopher the only bedroom. That’s… Wow, you are a really good dad.”

At that Eddie seems to brighten for a moment before he sinks down to the floor, crying. 

Buck knows Eddie, he’s a strong guy, and maybe even a bit macho at times, so if he’s crying it’s really bad.

Buck’s up in a flash, rushing over and kneeling beside Eddie. “What’s going on?”

Eddie stares at his friend, unable to find words to express what’s happening.

“Okay, let’s start small, how’d you get the black eye.”

Buck figures they can get the elephant out of the room first and then maybe there’ll be more space for this conversation.

Eddie laughs, it’s harsh and caustic. “Work. Guy got too handsy. I told him to knock it off and left. He cold cocked me a half hour later while I was giving someone else a dance.”

That makes Buck wince, he knew working at a strip club wasn’t all fun and games, he’d hoped maybe one for guys who knew what it was like to be discriminated against might be somewhat better but he guessed assholes came in all types.

“I’m sorry, is that why you wouldn’t talk to me? Because you didn’t want me to see that?”

Eddie looks askance for a moment, steeling himself.

“Yes, and no. I just, I’m having a really, really bad week and I knew… I knew if I saw you I wouldn’t be able to keep up this mask that everything is okay…”

Buck sighs, seeing how much his best friend, and honestly the man he’s pretty sure he’s in love with, is hurting.

“Can I give you a hug Eddie?”

Eddie nods and they hug, a few muffled sobs into Buck’s shoulder as they take their time.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong Eddie?”

Slowly Eddie tries to catch his breath, glancing to make sure Christopher is safely in his room before he continues.

“Buck… I’m gonna lose my job.”

“What? Why? Because that guy hit you?”

Buck is indignant, but Eddie just shakes his head.

“Not exactly. I mean, the owner was mad about that, the guy’s a steady customer and big spender. A real creep though, we have customers that are just lonely or horny and that’s it, we can deal with that, but this guy is handsy, disrespectful I… He’s just a fucking jackass.”

Buck nods in agreement.

“Anyway. My boss said that I can’t work while I’ve got this shiner. And my rent is due, and I need that money. I begged him to let me work, I could wear a mask, I could put on some makeup, anything.”

Eddie sighs, taking a deep breath as he shudders.

“I should have known to never say that to him _again._”

Buck recognizes the word Again emphasized there but let’s Eddie continue.

“He said I couldn’t work until it goes down but I could… But that there were other ways I could make the money, that didn’t care about if I was a little bruised up.”

Eddie’s eyes are filling with tears as he looks off in the distance, unable to face Buck as he talks about it.

“I need the money. I just… I don’t think I can do that again. I’m not… I’m not even gay I...”

“What is he asking you to do Eddie...” Buck doesn’t even think about Eddie stating he isn’t gay or anything else, his only thoughts are what’s happening to his best friend.

“He wants me to suck some guy off. Says the other guys have done it, mostly. I’d have to do it for him first though, a test run to see if I’m worth it he said...”

“What the fuck?!”

Eddie puts up a hand to calm Buck.

“I… If it was just the other guy I could, I could maybe do it but Buck I… The last time I...”

“The last time… Eddie, Eddie what did he make you do?

Buck is crying now too, so terrified of what Eddie’s going to say next.

“Last time wasn’t that bad. I needed the job, I was desperate I told you that, he knew it. He… He said I had the job as long as I could do just one thing, he’d even pay me a week in advance that day.”

“What did he make you do Eddie...” Buck’s voice is almost desperate now.

“Just… It was just a hand job. That’s all, thankfully. I thought, that’s fucked up but I’ve jerked myself off, it can’t be that bad.” Eddie looks over at Buck. “It was so terrible. He’s so gross and fucked up. He spit on my hand to lube it up when he said it was too dry. He spit on me when he came. It got in my eye because he didn’t tell me he was close and he laughed. He said all this dirty shit to me the entire time, about how I secretly loved it and wanted it and I...”

Buck stopped Eddie then, holding him tight and shushing him.

“No more. I don’t need to know it all. You don’t need to relive that for me, I’m so sorry this happened Eddie.”

Then Buck spoke again “I’m going to murder him.”

Eddie pulled back and looked at Buck with a sad smile. “No, you can’t do that.”

“But Eddie!”

“No! You can’t fight my battles for me Buck”

Buck didn’t know what to say, he was at a loss.

“Eddie you can’t do that. I’ll give you the money, whatever you need to get the rent or bills or whatever and you can look for another job I-”

Eddie wiped away his tears and stood up then.

“No, I’m not taking a handout, or your pity.”

“It’s not pity or a handout Eddie. I care about you and Christopher, you’re my best friend.”

Eddie turns away, he gulps, like he’s trying to swallow back the words he’s about to say, but they come out anyway.

“And what is it going to cost me?”

Buck is stunned. He stands up, looking at Eddie, speechless.

“What, what do you mean?”

“What’s the price of letting you help me… What is it going to cost me. I know my boss’ price, what’s yours Buck?”

“Nothing!”

“Lies!”

Buck is stunned as he watches Eddie turn on him, fear and anger and such a deep, deep despair in his eyes.

“It’s not going to be for free. Everyone is getting something out of helping. Do you want me to sleep with you too Buck? Don’t pretend I Don’t see the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice… I notice, I know you just… You just want to fuck me or be fucked by me or whatever it is guys like you want...”

Buck swallows down revulsion at the things Eddie is saying, trying to tell himself his friend is just angry.

“Eddie… I would never… I… God, fine, I’ll admit I like you. I like you a lot, but I made peace with just being friends. And after what you told me today I understand why you’d be upset but I would never, never do that to you. I...”

“You what, what do you wanna say Buck? Come on, spit it out!”

Eddie jabs Buck in the chest with his finger, hard. He’s nearly yelling, just keeping his voice low enough it won’t register in the other room.

Buck is so ashamed that this is happening like this, he’s embarrassed and heartbroken and a roil of emotions he can’t quite pick apart.

“Because I love you too much to hurt you like that Eddie. Even if you can’t love me back. I understand it, and I don’t expect anything from you, ever. I just want to help. I just want to be here, with you and Christopher, however I can be.”

“I don’t need your help Buck. I’m not your next life to save.”

“Eddie it’s not like that!”

“Stop, I need you to leave.”

“Please Eddie… Don’t do this.”

“If you really love me, you’ll do what I ask...”

“I… Okay Eddie. Okay.”

Buck steps back, moving towards the door. He looks back once, hand on the knob, watching Eddie stare off into the distance, looking like it’s taking every ounce of strength he has to keep up this cold front.

“I’ll always be here for you Eddie. For both of you. If you need to do this on your own I understand. Just… Sometimes it’s okay to accept help. I had a lot of bad shit as a kid, it fucked me up for a long time. I had abandonment issues, I was addicted to sex, I couldn’t have a functional relationship, I had anger issues and so much more… I finally decided I wanted to be happy, I wanted to live life and my sister helped me find a therapist. I worked on my shit, I realized things I never knew about myself, I accepted myself and loved myself again. But I didn’t do it alone, I had my sister, I had my family at the station, I had my therapist and Missy. It’s okay to need help, it’s okay to be a little broken.”

Opening the door he took a deep breath.

“I love you man, I love Christopher, if you need anything, you can always come to me. I promise I’ll be there. No strings attached. Ever.”

Eddie doesn’t say anything back, so Buck leaves, crying the entire drive back to his place.

* * *

He promised he wouldn’t kill the guy, but if he pulls some strings and gets the fire marshal and some other city people to badger the man, to at least give him a few bad days and cost him some money for all he’s done to hurt Eddie, to hurt probably a lot more people, it makes Buck feel a bit better.

Life goes on, he misses Eddie and Christopher every day, but eventually he begins to move on, the sadness in his heart always there, but not as fresh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got emotonal and went in a totally different direction than I had planned when I st arted this intending it to be a fun and sexy little story. Whoops.


	3. Who I chose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thrilling conclusion!

Then one Saturday morning he hears a knock on the door, waking him up way too early.

“I’m coming!” He shouts, the sound a bit too loud even for his own head when he’s this tired. “That better not be you Maddie or I will murder you. I need my beauty… Sleep...”

His words are cut off as he opens the door and sees not his sister or some nosy neighbor, but Eddie.

He’s standing there shirtless, just some sleep pants low on his hips and he just woke up, but he feels like he’s about to cry just seeing Eddie after all this time.

“Eddie?”

“Hey Buck...”

Eddie gives him a soft smile and Buck can’t stop himself, flinging his arms around Eddie and holding on tight.

“Fucking hell I thought I’d never see you again Eddie… How are you, how is Christopher?”

A smile grows on Eddie’s face, a warm glow that gives just a hint of pink to his tanned cheeks.

“Christopher’s good. He misses you.” Eddie pauses. “I miss you. God, I miss you so much Buck.”

Buck thinks he might burst into tears, his lip wobbles and he bites it to try to regain some composure.

“Eddie I...”

“No, wait, can I just… I need to say some things first, is that okay Buck?”

Buck nods, opening the door and leading them in to sit on his couch.

He sits with his hands on his knees, anxious now, even if his heart’s beating a mile a minute just to have Eddie back, even if it’s just for a moment.

“The first thing I have to say is I’m sorry.”

That takes Buck off guard.

“You’re sorry?”

Sure, Eddie did say some things that hurt him, the implications not exactly blatant, but enough to leave some scars, but he'd still been more concerned for the man's well-being than his own feelings.

“Yes. I was… Stubborn. I was, fuck, Buck I’m so sorry I was so mean to you. I was just caught in my own head and so fucking scared. I was terrified, and you knew that, you saw through me. You always see through me.”

Buck smiles at that, ducking his head because he’s not sure he’s supposed to let on how easily Eddie affects him anymore.

“I said a lot of hurtful things, because I was hurting. Because I was so adrift. I know… I know you’d never hurt me like I implied, or try to force me or make me do anything I didn’t want to. I know that, I just… I think a part of me thought if I hurt you enough that maybe you’d go away, that you’d leave me alone and I wouldn’t have to deal with someone seeing the ugly parts of me I was trying so hard to hide. The parts of me I didn’t want to deal with.”

Buck watches, cautious to say much of anything. But he’s so glad to hear that from Eddie, to know that he’d been right in thinking it was just the fear talking.

“And I did push you away, despite how hard you fought for me. And I appreciate that… You and Christopher believing in me gave me the strength I needed. And you gave me the space I needed to get my head straight.”

Eddie laughs then, shaking his head and smiling.

“I want you to know I’m doing a lot better now. I’m not stripping anymore. And I didn’t go through with what he wanted of me. I found a way to make it through on my own, and then with a little help. I, uh, took that advice you gave. I found a really cheap therapist and started dealing with a lot of things. Things to do with Christopher’s mom leaving me, with what was going on with me now, with the shit my boss did to me, with my past, with how I felt about you. All of it. Or at least, I’m working on all of it.”

Buck’s face quirks for a moment when he hears Eddie mention how he felt about him, but he doesn’t dare to hope it means what he wishes it did.

“I’m really happy for you Eddie. So happy you’re doing better.”

Buck’s smile is blinding, and it’s met by a shy smile from Eddie.

“So I just, I wanted, no, I needed to come here and tell you in person that I was sorry. That we’re doing really good now. I wanted you to know that.”

“I forgive you Eddie.”

Buck is smiling, almost crying really, and Eddie seems to let out a deep breath he’d been holding when the man says it, sagging into the couch.

“Eddie, if it’s okay, can I give you a hug? It’s okay if you aren-”

Before Buck can finish his sentence Eddie is hugging him, a big, deep hug that leaves both of them on the verge of tears, happy ones this time.

When they finally part they both start laughing, so overjoyed to be back together again.

“I missed you so much Eddie.”

“I missed you too Buck. God, I missed you a lot.”

They hug again and Buck thinks this has to be one of the best days of his life.

“Buck… There’s, there’s one more thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

Buck breaks apart from the hug, looking into Eddie’s eyes and smiling.

“Anything.”

Eddie looks nervous now, fiddling with a piece of lint on his jeans.

“It’s just… I had wanted to ask if we could be friends again, if I didn’t burn that bridge too badly...”

Before Buck can respond besides an unconscious nod of his head, Eddie continues.

“I did want to ask that. But the thing is Buck… The thing is that one of the things I realized these last few months is that.” Eddie takes a deep breath. “Is that the biggest reason all of that shit was freaking me out and messing with my head, besides the trauma itself, was because… It was because after all my boss had did to me, and how hard I had to fight to tell myself I was going to get through it. That it didn’t mean anything. I couldn’t then deal with the fact that I… I was falling in love with you.”

Time stops.

Buck thinks he might have had a heart attack and died because he can’t have heard what he thought he just heard.

“Buck? Are you, are you going to say anything?”

“I… You, you were falling in love… With me?”

That makes Eddie smile. “Yes, I was falling in love with you, idiot...”

Buck’s smile starts small as confusion gives way to disbelief, then finally acceptance and joy.

“You’re in love with me?”

Eddie smiles dumbly, shaking his head and laughing. “Yes. I was falling in love with you the entire time you were falling for me, I just didn’t realize it until I was out of that bad situation, until I was safe enough to be able to understand what my feelings really were and what you meant to me.”

“I… I still love you Eddie.”

There’s nothing Buck wants more than to kiss Eddie, his fingers keep clenching around nothing, wanting to touch, to hold him, but he doesn’t, he doesn't want to scare him or freak him out after all he’s been through.

But it’s okay, because Eddie moves in closer. “Buck, can I kiss you?”

The smile Buck gives is electric.

“Any time.”

“You mean it?”

“Please just kiss me before this dream ends Eddie.”

“Not a dream.”

And with that, Eddie kisses Buck. It’s a bit awkward at first, it’s his first kiss with a guy, it’s a big step after everything he’s been through, but he wants this. They both do. They deserve to be happy, they deserve to be happy together, no matter what anyone has done to either of them, those people don’t control them. Their words and actions can’t hurt either of them any longer.

Buck deepens the kiss, one hand reaching up tentatively, touching Eddie’s shoulder and shivering.

Eddie breaks the kiss, resting his forehead against Buck’s.

“You can touch me Eddie. I won’t break.”

“I just...”

“I know. And I love that you’re so considerate, but you don’t have to ask permission to touch me. Not when I want you to. I know you’d never hurt me, and I know that if I needed you to stop you would.”

Buck nods. “I would. I’d do anything for you, even staying away, which broke my heart.”

“I know, and I thank you for giving me that time. But now… let’s not waste another minute. Okay?”

“Okay.”

They kiss again, and this time Buck doesn’t hold back. He’s still a bit more cautious than he might have been with some random hookup, but it’s not about thinking Eddie is fragile or that he’s going to hurt him or scare him off.

Buck is gentle because he’s in love, and he wants every touch he ever gives the man he loves to be kind, to be filled with all the love he’s been saving for him all this time.

Eddie and Buck lay on the couch making out for what feels like hours, exploring each others mouths and bodies. Their clothes stay on in the end, not going further today.

“Is it okay? That we stopped here?”

Buck looks at Eddie and smiles, resting a hand against his face. “Of course it is. I told you, whatever you want or need. We can go slow.”

“You won’t mind? This is just… I really, really liked it,” Eddie motions to his still tented jeans, “I just still have some things to work out over all of this. But I want this, I want you.”

“And you’ve got me Eddie. For as long as you want me. We can go as slow or fast as you like. Whatever you need.”

“How did I get so lucky to have you?”

“Who says you get to be the lucky one?”

“You’re really a sap aren’t you?”

“I’m only a sap because I want to climb you like a tree.”

That makes Eddie laugh. “Sap doesn’t climb, it, I don’t know, fucking oozes or something.”

“Shut up and kiss me again.”

And Eddie does.

* * *

When Christopher sees Buck again for the first time they both cry, Eddie hugging him and apologizing for being gone so long, that he didn’t get to say goodbye. Eddie can’t believe he wasn’t able to see it sooner, how madly in love with Buck he was, just watching him with his son should have been enough to know how good Buck was deep down, how much Buck loved them both.

They’re a family now, taking things one day at a time, building a life together, the three of them, along with Buck’s family from the station, and “Aunt” Maddie, and Eddie’s family. Because sometimes even if you can do something on your own, it doesn’t mean you have to. It doesn’t mean it’s the thing that’ll make you happiest. Sometimes you need someone to lean on, and now Buck and Eddie have each other’s back.

And only one man gets lap dances from Eddie now. He doesn’t have to pay, but he still makes it rain some nights for fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!
> 
> And if you're wondering why Buck left, it's mainly because I was worried it'd come off as too "white savior" if Buck was the one that dragged him out of it, so I let Eddie figure things out on his own and come back to Buck when He was ready to be with him instead.

**Author's Note:**

> This might get intense. SO I split it into a few chapters even though it's actually not that long. Tags will change and I will mention there is some more serious topics later, I'll warn for them in the tags and/or the notes.
> 
> I already wrote it all, and I'm working on some other things so... >:)
> 
> Hope you all enjoy my descent into Buddie trash.
> 
> As always, a big Thank you to my Wonderful Readers for all the comments, kudos and subs!


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